Homer J Simposn's Campaign Platform

A friend to one, a friend to all. (Except Flanders.)

There is nothing to fear except fear itself. Oh... and fear of the voices... the constant voices telling me to do things... bad things


I promise there will be fewer nuclear disasters with me as your President than with me as your nuclear safety inspector.


I will fill the pot holes, help the pot heads and eat the pot pies.


I will put a man on Mars within the decade. That man will be Flanders. And he will not return.


No big government, just big waist sizes.


Children are the future. That's why they must be stopped today.


I will make the trains run on time. On second thought, coal might be better. I will make the trains run on coal.


I will legalize the hunting of sisters-in-law.


Repeal all taxes... make Sweden pay for everything.